Diary of a Single Mum: Trying to Conceive – IVF (round 1 – part 3)

Sunday, January 26th 2020

Today I spent some time with family from interstate and it gave me some energy. Making myself get out for a reason other than work was good for me. I’ve definitely gotten into the swing of my injections. Dart it in quick! It really is the best way. I bought the calendar I did this year because the month of February had the simple word ‘trust’ in big bold writing. I knew Feb would be the month of my retrieval, transfer and hopefully when I find out if it’s all worked. I find myself counting down the days until I can flip that page over the February. I want this so much! I’ve actually found myself stressing that my lack of symptoms means the drugs aren’t working. I’ve had one hot flush- which settled during acupuncture and I haven’t had one since. I have been getting a bit whoozy about half an hour about the injection and have headaches on and off, but I expected it to be much worse. Time will tell, I guess.

Monday, January 27th 2020

How good is a public holiday when you’re feeling tired from the IVF drugs! My little sister came over for a while and then she and Mum had lunch with me. I made a bunch of salads and some roasted veggies and meat to keep me eating healthy during the week. I’m trying to stay on top of my diet, mostly for the nutrient value to ensure I’m the healthiest I can be. I’m struggling, at the moment, with my relationship with my body. I wasn’t at my optimal weight before I started but, I’ve put on weight since I started all my fertility treatments back in August. I was going to try and lose a little during my break over Christmas but was so unwell with all of my vitamin deficiencies and I just felt like rubbish, it was tough. I also read that losing a lot of weight may impact on my ovulation and I didn’t want to risk it. I eat well (besides the random sugar cravings- but I generally cook refined sugar free myself) so I’m happy with that. I feel really uncomfortable and hate my extra rolls and chub right now. At the same time, I’m in awe of everything my body has been through and what it is capable of. Even though it has disappointed me over and over again, I’m still so thankful that it’s capable of nurturing life. It’s been through a lot and while it was struggling for a while, it hasn’t given up on me yet. I feel like I’m in a healthy state right now… I’m sleeping again, I have energy (well I’m a little tired from the fertility drugs but nowhere near what it was a few weeks ago before my iron infusion). Checking all my bloods and having acupuncture was the best thing I could’ve done. But I can’t help but be self-conscious and uncomfortable in my skin right now. It’s just a period of time and if it brings me my baby, it’ll be worth it. And for now I need to remind myself to thank my body- it’s pretty spectacular.

Vulnerability right here – uncomfortable with my additional rolls from yoyoing hormones over the past 6 months.

Tuesday, January 28th 2020

Nothing major to report. Tomorrow I have bloods to see if I can start my stims drugs. Fingers crossed!!

Another Day- Another injection

Wednesday, January 29th 2020

Girl Power helping me out today.

Up early for my blood test. It really hurt! I don’t know what she did, but I had pain up my arm for hours! I got the call to say everything was on track and I could start my stims meds the following day. I’m so pleased!! I saw a meme that said IVF was like soccer try outs and at each point you could get cut so you celebrate each little win. I’m super excited to be getting started! Come on eggies, time to grow!!

Thursday, January 30th 2020

OMG!! Going from menopause to stimming is HELL!! I’ve only done short cycles before, where I would have a certain level of estrogen to begin. It was a stressful day at work anyway but normally I can cope pretty well with that. Today nope… I swung constantly between wanting to sob at my desk to extreme hormone rage! I told one of the girls and she said I kept it together and no one knew, but I felt short with others and just not myself. The more I focused on it, the more upset I was making myself. I hope that this stabilises itself at some point. It definitely has been pretty horrible today.

Don’t let the sweet face fool you, I want to kill someone!!

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